Laws of Attraction

 

I want to believe you and give you all things I am capable of, but love is dangerous for a woman like me. A rare breed that has so much power, he or she is incapable of using it. Lately I've been lining myself with the universe and instead of giving energy to you or anyone else, I want to give it to the world.

 

A long time ago, a dear friend of mine said  I don't need anything from anyone else because everything that I need is within me. I never understood what that meant until now.

 

How could I? So clouded by negative energy and cynicism, I was the only one standing in the way of anything I truly wanted. The laws of the universe are such a powerful thing and I've come to learn them quite well.

 

I wonder if the greatest leaders in the world held this possession close to their heart; the secret to life.

 

The secet lies within all of our hearts;  it is up to us to release the power in our minds so that we may have everything we so desire.

 

Whenever the universe gives me a sign, I run with it. Whenever I have an inspired thought, I cultivate it.

 

For example I've been working on my teaching degree for a few years now , Easy enough. I could've earned a teaching position by now, but some tiny little voice inside of me said to continue substituting and work at call centers to avoid handling any  true respnsiblilty.

 

The universe felt this wasn't right and  like that I was fired  without warning or anything. "Ms. Williams, please excuse yourself from your desk and come down to the human resources office." Have no fear the universe is here! I used my time of unemployment efficiently by writing and reading books.

 

I soon began to embrace loneliness for now I understand that being lonely does not show weakness but only exposes strength in its truest form. The universe has opened me up to what is   rightfully mine for whatever I ask I shall receive

 

Anything that stands in the way of what the universe has planned for me must be extracted from my life at once.

 

fo I now undestand that

Friend or Foe

For eleven years I nurtured the core of your spirit from the palms of your hands to the tips of your toes.

 I know better than to think we could ever co-exist peacefully as distant lovers. I must ask you why are so frightened of me?

What have I done so terribly that makes you question the darkness of my soul and the stench of my heart.

I've wanted nothing more than to watch you shape and grow into the person you've so longed to be, and just when I'm ready to give into you, you slowly back away.

So, I must ask you, are you afraid of taking responsibility for what you have the potential to be.  Why can't you do something with your music. You produced about four tracks in the past ten years that Ive known you. Why haven't you cultivated it anymore than adding a few more elements to the beats you already have.

Maybe you're afraid it won't be good enough for others, or maybe you're afraid it won't be good enough for you.

All I ask is that you believe in yourself and understand that others are not here to take you out but pave the way so that you may fulfill your destiny.

Your fear of ridicule prohibits you from experiencing anything true.

You drain the truth out of everything around you with your masked lies and unreliable self.

Was anything between us ever real or are you still a complete stranger to me?

You made me feel like my flaws were just a part of who I am, nothing to be mistaken for something that should be altered.

You told me that I hold all of the power in mind to change the world, and just for a moment I believed you.

I believed you when you told me when you told me that I was on top of the world.

I thought I wouldn't be able to go trhough life without you, but now that I've made adecision to leave you, I feel stronger than ever.

Because, now I know that everything about us was only an ilusion, and because I realize fairy tales don't really exsist, there's no need to get false hopes.

The more I write about you, the more you become just a mere figment of my imagination.

It's easier to compartmentalize these fantasies I have of you on the back of shelves in my mind.

Don't ever wish upon our friendship again for you do not know how to handle love.

You've used everyone around you and eventually life will use you; that's what it does to people who abuse their power.

You play the game well but you dont play fair my dear.

And the day will come when you will lose the battle to your better half, sinking to the depths of your misery, trying to put back the pieces to your lifeless soul.

Clown Statue

One night a girl was babysitting three girls, and they decided they wanted to watch the movie Matilda. The little ones tell the babysitter that in order to retrieve the movie, she must go down in the basement.

So the girl goes  to the basement to grab the movie, but when she returns she is surprised to find a clown statue sitting in the corner of the living room. The girl thought herself, "Huh I don't remember that clown sitting there before. Finally, halfway through the movie, the girl realizes she can't take it anymore, so she calls the girl's parents saying that there's a clown statue sitting in the corner of the living room, and if the father doesn't mind she'd like to move the statue to another room because it's really creeping her out.

Suddenly there's a pause on the phone. "Hello," said the girl. The long pause on the end abruptly ended when the father said take the two girls down to the basement and call the police.

Confused, the girl took all three girls downstairs and called the police. After what seemed like hours of waiting, she finally decided to sneak upstairs.

To her amazement, the clown statue was no longer sitting in the corner of the living room.

Frightened, the girl picked up the phone and called once again. "What's going on?" she said, "why did you tell me to take the girls downstairs and call the police?"

"We don't have a clown statue."

Immediately after hearing this, the girl dropped the phone. She quickly ran downstairs to find all three girls tied up with tape wrapped around their mouths.

"Please don't hurt the girls," cried the babysitter."

The clown statue spoke up at once, "I will not hurt all of them my dear, but I simply must take one, I need to feed off of one of their souls so that I may stay alive."

"Take me," said the babysitter, but do not hurt them."

At once, the clown statue vanished with the babysitter folded in her arms.

All three of the girls were left standing there tied up with confused looks on their faces.

Thirty minutes later, the police and the parents arrived to find all three girls tied up in the basement. No one could explain what happened to the babysitter.

Years later, the girls grew up and the oldest daughter, Katie, became a famous painter. One of her most famous paintings was a picture of a little girl on the farm.

One night while Katie was sleeping, she was awakened by a very sharp sound, which sounded like it was coming from the painting. When she woke up, she looked up at the painting to see that the little girl in the painting was getting older.

"This simply could not be," thought Katie."

The little girl that she drew in the painting was about 5 years of age. The girl that stood before her in the painting now was about 15.

Katie kept this to herself for she thought no one would believe her. Each and everyday the little girl in Katie's painting grew older and older until one day she was about 30 years old.

One night Katie was startled by another noise. This time when she looked up at the painting, she saw the 30 old woman standing with her mouth agape, but standing next to her was also the clown statue.
Katie took one closer look at the painting at noticed that the woman in the 30 year old painting was the babysitter.

"How could this be?" thought Katie. She frantically paced around the room trying to think of something to do.

After pacing around for what seemed like hours, Katie was startled by another noise.

This time she looked up at the painting to find that the babysitter had disappeared.

The only thing left in the painting was the clown statue. This time he was staring directly into her eyes with his fingers pointed at her.

Three days later, Katie was reported missing......

Battling with my Inferiority Complex

 

It all started when I was a child; my mom forgot to sign some papers and I was left behind. It never mattered to anyone that I had the best grades in class or read on the most advanced reading level that could be attained. Because I was always older than all of my peers, they assumed I  was incompetent, an imbecile. It was in elementary school where my inferiority complex began to take shape and by the time I reached middle school it had taken over my entire being. The difficulties of dealing with an inferiority complex can be somewhat stifling because in come cases it can take years before you even realize you have one.

Inferiority complex: often used to mean low self-esteem, is a feeling of intense insecurity, inferiority or of not measuring up. An inferiority complex can be seen in the negative or "useless" reactions to problems in life. These reactions are useless because they do not solve the problem at hand, but only serve to guard one's self-esteem by avoiding the task or by placing the blame for the failure outside of the individual's control. Although the inferiority complex may be seen as comparing individuals or groups as one being superior to another, it more closely describes how one deals with a fear of failure.

By the time I reached high school, this complex had devoured my entire soul. My desire to be perfect and noticed by prevented me from forming healthy relationships.  I was so eager to impress my first boyfriend in high school that  I went out of my way to lie to him about my family situation and even my grades. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't pretty or smart enough. While his mom was  professor at a prestigious university, my mother barely made her way through high school with an outstanding 2.0 GPA.

What I soon came to realize was that none of this mattered. After high school, I went to college, and not just any college. Oh no, it had to be one of the best, one of the most prominent, and of course one that would have my credit score struggling to stay above 650.

People gave me the kind of attention I didn't receive in high school when going to college. They nurtured my complex until it became intractable. Eventually, I wouldn't have been able to walk past a mirror without drowning myself in mascara or throwing on two extra shades of lip gloss. It infuriated me if someone walked past me without so much as a glance, or if  I was introduced to a friend and thy didn't comment on how I pretty I was.

If I had never figured out the root cause of this complex, I would have allowed it to deteriorate my soul and mentally block my chances of ever achieving success.

Life after college was worse because I threw myself into a world  where people thrived on others with my complex. My first experience was with two South African guys  I befriended. Their daily conversations consisted of the growth of deciduous trees and the Cuban revolution. How was  I supposed to keep up with them?

There were many nights I stressed over my ignorance because I did not know as much as them. I later became closely acquainted with a Korean man who often joked on how stupid I was; he said it was cute.

One time while conversing with his friends, I was completely unaware that I made an irrational comment. I simply wanted to know if Mao, a Chinese revolutionary, was dead. Of course I knew he died; I just didn't know when. Instead of sounding intelligent, I came across as an even bigger idiot than I did before. Before College I tried to fuel my inferiority complex by perfecting my beauty and becoming so obsessed with it that  I became oblivious to everything around me.

Now here I was yearning to pronounce myself as a productive member of society and the only way I knew how to feed my inferiority complex was by appearing to be smarter than what I really was so that people would accept me.

Instead of showing people the charismatic personality I had to offer, I began to withdraw socially from everyone in fear they might find out my secret; I absolutely know nothing of the world and I didn't have anything to offer, so I'll continue sitting behind my mascara and concealer because as long as I'm beautiful, people will want to be around me; they may only love me above the surface, but at least  they will love me.

Love- an intense feeling of deep affection; a prolonged mutual protection.

Waste of Space

I'm so angry with you; we were supposed to be best friends forever, but instead you fell in love. I used to love you the way a human loves their pet, but then you wanted too much from me the way a child needs its mother. (subconscious mind: why are  you always running away from responsibility).

I thought I could give you everything, but then I realized I couldn't. Instead of sharing any insurmountable fears with you, I strung you along like a marionette on thin strings; I'm sorry. Now there is no piece of  us left. Instead of opening up and ingratiating yourself with the presence of my spirit, you gave it all up in fear of remaining close and not ever having all of me. (subconscious mind: Are you mad because she doesn't give in to you anymore).

Now, whenever I introduce you to another living soul, you treat me as if I'm invisible. This hurts so much because once upon a time, you put a great deal of energy into loving me and now you go out of your way to loathe the heart that once beat to the rhythm of your drum.(subconscious mind: you cant keep running from all of your problems, why didn't you just tell her  from the beginning you weren't in love, you were too impatient to wait around for someone that you actually loved).

Don't be upset with me because you don't have the courage to face the world as I do. What appreciation do you have for those around you who nurture every aspect of your being and water all corners of your soul.

I've lost all  respect for you, simply because you've lost all reverence for life.

Alone by Edgar Allan Poe