I couldn't believe it; I was actually accepting a respectable award from a man who thinks Africa is a nation.
I was confused: Should I be elated or merely concerned for my future?
Ten minutes later a limousine arrived, and I was one step closer to having all my dreams come true. On the way to the whitehouse, I thought of several hot topics to address with Mr. President. Maybe we could discuss the peaceful co-existence between human and fish or maybe he could explain what that actually means. If our president is revered as one of the most honest and virtuous men in our country, why do I get the feeling he knows where to get some blowe?
Here we are: Ten steps away from the Big White!
The moment I stepped into the oval office I was floured with all these feelings of pleasure. I had to tell someone, but everyone looked incredibly tense with fear, so I decided to lighten up the mood a bit. I looked over at the woman standing next to me and said:
"Is it me or has President Bush grown incredibly sexy within the last year."
"Uhmmm...." The young woman murmured under her breath. She completely ignored my inept remark about the president and continued to sip her club soda.
"No need to answer, I just thought I would get the word out."
There he was, unlike any man I had ever seen before: sagacious, kind, and easy going. There was a brief moment of silence, as everyone quickly scanned him with their eyes.
So what if he wasn't aware that blacks existed in other countries; and so what if he was kind enough to ask the President of Brazil if they had blacks too-maybe he was trying to make small talk. He was, in my opinion, utterly breathtaking. The idea of repressing my salacious thoughts about him any longer was too much to bear.
"He should know the truth."
"Oh dear president, if only you knew I entered this contest, not just to accept an award from you but only to be closer to you."
"Ok, here goes!"
Mr. President!
Startled by my untimely outburst, everyone quickly glanced in my direction.
Mr. President. There's something I want you to know, and I just can't control it in any longer.
"Yes, what is it?"
"I..."
Before I was able to deliver my lines of romantic poetry, I noticed people started laughing.
"I just wanted to say that I love you."
Everyone laughed even harder.
Laconic in my expressions of love, I'm sure people found it difficult to believe that a man with Bush's charm and intelligence could ever find a woman like me sexually appealing; I mean after all , he did grow up in a desert. How could any respectable woman ever compete with that?
One of the reporters walked up to me and whispered:
"I think you might want to go to the bathroom."
Distressed and confused I rushed to the bathroom.
Oh man! What could it possibly be: a misplaced hair, ingrown nail, an unexpected visit from Aunt Menorrhea.
As soon as I stepped into the bathroom, there they were, bold as day and bright as the sun, sticking right through my shirt.
"What was I going to do, they just wouldn't go away."
There was no way I could accept my award like this; all hope was lost. I quietly escaped through the back door leaving no trace of my wretched disposition.
Riding in the cab on the way home, I thought of how I was one step closer to becoming the 2nd lady.
I picked up the phone. It was President Bush calling me to convey his admiration for my brave acts of love. He said no young lady had ever expressed romantic feelings for him in that way, and then he proceeded to give me an impressionable spiel on tribal sovereignty.
If there's one thing I've learned from this unfortunate event today it's that: Although George W. Bush has not been our most eloquent speaking president, his words still continue to manifest in all the hearts and minds of America.
And for this reason reason I've decided to duck tape my nipples whenever I go out.
Has President Bush ever made an impact on your life?
1 comment:
Very funny. And then to make sure that I don't just think it's funny because I know you. I approached it as if I didn't know you, still funny.
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