Somewhere over the rainbow, you will find me

I nurtured the idea of you leaving him. I desperately wanted to be there for you. It felt good for once, that you actually needed me. The thought of someone like you actually needing pathetic ol me. I say pathetic because it's often a misguided perception of myself.


I look to you for hope, exhilaration, and uplifting advice, but instead you berate me like a four year old child. It's okay to be myself around you, just as long as it stays within your ideals of not who I am, but who you want me to be.


I understand your projected anger towards me at the moment, and I can only say I battle the same demons within myself from time to time. You say I need to learn how to deal with my emotions, but sometimes I'm unable to process what I'm feeling at the moment, and you see this as a weakness.

"Blah Blah Blah! No one understands you! The whole world's against you."

"How many times have I heard this dreadful line?"

"The entire world's against president Bush; you don't see him blogging about it."


"You tolerate other's ignorance, you should speak up more."

Yes, this is one of the many unresolved conflicts I loathe to face day after day. The question is why is it so difficult for me to confront people about my emotions?

Could it be that you're a woman....

It's because I feel I shouldn't have any emotions. Or no, wait maybe it's because when I finally do muster up enough courage to deliver, you make my thoughts and feelings seem so trivial to everything else in the world.

What is this....Ricki Lake

It could also be that I'm so afraid of people knowing the truth about me, so I hold back. And the truth is that I care; it doesn't determine the outcome of my life or predict the next outfit I'm going to wear, but it hurts.

"Their piercing words seep through my bleeding heart."

I hide behind what's real. I hide behind the real me because deep down inside I'm afraid people won't accept me.

So the question of the evening? Why do I need people to accept me- this unresolved issue lingering inside me.

I feel so unworthy of everyone's love and attention because I'm so afraid of finding it within myself. Maybe once I find it, I'll have to deal with what's really there and live with it day after day.

"Accept yourself, so that you won't need acceptance from anyone else."

Yes, I understand you're going through something. But I'm antagonizing myself with all these irrational thoughts of who I'm supposed to be. It may not be that important to you, but it's real to me.

Just because I can't have a candid discussion with you about what I'm going through, doesn't mean I don't love you. You're growing as a person, and I think it's fair to say I'm doing the same.

"Someone as strong and independent as me carries the burden of having it all figured it out."

"Did you just say you were strong; I'm sorry are we reading the same blog post here?"


Critical thinking questions....

Would you consider yourself a strong and independent individual?

Do you feel as if you always carry other people's burdens?

Do you think your closest friends truly accept and understand who you are as a person?